|
Sabai Books |
Editing Service |
|
◊◊◊◊◊ e d i t s a m p l e ◊◊◊◊◊ |
The two drafts below are samples,
stemming from a small assignment in April 2008.
A Japanese woman applying for a position at an English University asked
me to edit her draft.
The format shows the questions from the application form, followed by
written responses.
| Her earlier draft | The draft edited by Ken |
|
STATEMENT OF
PURPOSE Please respond carefully to all the following questions. Your statements to the questions below play an important role in the evaluation of your application. Try to be concise and precise. 1. Community involvement and other relevant activities (please indicate the dates). (Limit to 150 words or less). I have worked with slum residents living in Bangkok during 1996-2001 and also had an opportunity to live with slum residents. It was so great time for me to understand and identify the real problems in slum communities. During this term, I have participated in various programs and activities created by slum residents themselves. Next, I have worked with refugee populations living in border of Thailand and Myanmar during 2001-2007. Although refugee camps were positioned as temporary shelters, the communities existed there and I believed that the concept of its development was essential. Therefore, I always endeavored to work with communities closely and encouraged refugee populations to work out through their ideas and hopes. Then I tried to organize activities focused on different generation groups to build more strengthened communities and must to involve in their daily lives to understand what they think, what they need etc. all the time. 2. Describe the most significant professional achievement and your reasons for viewing it as such. (Limit to 150 words or less). The most significant professional achievement for me was to build human resource ( or strengthen the abilities of communities) and this was my aim from the beginning of my field work. Almost of people who need the assistance from outside think that they have no capacity to survive by themselves and tend to give up their lives. Unfortunately the refugees that I have met felt like this. They frequently said that they were not worth living because they were refugees. Therefore, they always waited for actions from outside. The ways that I used was no action from me. I waited their action patiently. As the result, they started to exchange their ideas among relating group and to plan the possible activities for their benefits. I could be on equal terms with them after that. The activities in refugee camps became more effective and more participatory by communities. It was great outcome. 3. Why, at this particular juncture in your career, do you feel it is important to pursue additional study? (Limit to 150 words or less). I have been working with NGO for almost 12 years and I want to continue to pursue the effective and innovative ways in which NGO could work for development aids with peace issues. Because I was convinced that peace issues are essential for human and social developments through involving in activities at refugee camps. Therefore, I think that now is very adequate timing for me to review the experience of so far field works and to learn more clearly and deeply about how I could work for human development with the field of peace issues as the next step. When I look at my weakness relating this matter at the moment, I think that I should acquire wider views by learning various and different cases relating peace issues and human development and also learn methods for implementation from global points of view through programs of master degrees. 4. How will you use the knowledge and skills acquired through your course of study to address the development needs of your country? What are your future career plans? Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years? (Limit to 150 words or less). Although Japan recently has been involving in development aids with views of peace issues, it still lacks of points of human resource development. Therefore, I would like to focus on this matter by using additional knowledge and skills and also to strengthen abilities of NGO to real cooperation with government in this field. My future plan is to continue to pursue the effective and innovative ways in which NGO could work for development aids with peace issues. Although the output through NGO works might be limited, it is very important to make basis up to it with civil and government. The role of NGO has been enhanced in various fields and the involvement of NGO works is required for establishing peaceful societies and worlds. I could see myself working with NGO in both 5 years and 10 years and would like to have the stronger leadership for development aids through peace building as representative of NGO and country of Japan in the future. |
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE Please respond carefully to all the following questions. Your statements to the questions below play an important role in the evaluation of your application. Try to be concise and precise. 1. Community involvement and other relevant activities (please indicate the dates). (Limit to 150 words or less). I have worked with slum residents living in Bangkok during 1996-2001, and have also had opportunities to live among the residents there. It has enabled me to understand and identify the real problems in slum communities. During this term, I participated in various programs and activities created by slum residents themselves – including counseling on tenant/landlord rights.. After that, from 2001 through 2007, I worked with refugee populations living at the border regions of Thailand and Myanmar. Although the camps were positioned as temporary shelters, some sense of community existed - and I believed that developing a sense of self-worth was important. Therefore, I endeavored to work with communities closely and encouraged refugees to express themselves, their ideas and hopes for the future. I also organized discussion groups which focused on different age groups – in an attempt to strengthen their sense of community. We also discussed their aspirations and needs. 2. Describe the most significant professional achievement and your reasons for viewing it as such. (Limit to 150 words or less). I believe my most significant professional achievement was to assist disadvantaged people in strengthening their sense of community. That has been my aim all along. Most people who need assistance from outside think that they have no capacity to survive by themselves and tend to feel powerless. Initially, the refugees I met felt like this. They frequently said their lives were worthless because they were refugees. Therefore, they always waited for aid and direction from outside. I started by encouraging them to come out by themselves. I waited patiently. As a result, they started to express the wisdom and skills they possessed, and began to more openly exchange ideas among themselves. Together we planned activities for their benefit. As they saw less of a difference between me (someone from ‘outside’ – from a privileged class) and themselves - we became more like equals. The activities in refugee camps became more participatory, rather than each person or each family tending just to their own personal needs. 3. Why, at this particular juncture in your career, do you feel it is important to pursue additional study? (Limit to 150 words or less). I have been working with an NGO for almost 12 years and want to continue to pursue the effective and innovative ways in which NGO’s work for dispensing aid with dealing with making peace. I am convinced peace is essential for human and social developments. Shared activities at refugee camps help in that process. Therefore, I think that now is a good time for me to review my experiences working in the field, and to learn more about working for human development. I would like to enhance my knowledge to gain a wider view of cases relating to peace issues and human development. I would also like to gain more knowledge about global issues – so I can be a more effective person who can facilitate effective programs to aid and assist less advantaged people. 4. How will you use the knowledge and skills acquired through your course of study to address the development needs of your country? What are your future career plans? Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years? (Limit to 150 words or less). My country, Japan, does have some development issues. However, because of its relatively strong economy, Japan is best suited as a country which can assist others. For years Japan has been a leader in global assistance, and it is in that capacity that I believe I can apply my knowledge and skills. In five years, I see myself as assisting an NGO in possibly expanding its role in implementing aid programs and peace issues in other regions. I also see myself assisting in developing human resources. In ten years, with added knowledge, skills and experience, I feel I may be able to contribute even more – possibly participating in NGO to government dialogue – and being more effective overall. I believe, for my future, I will continue to develop effective and innovative ways to assist with peace issues, and with enabling self-empowerment for disadvantaged people. Although the individual results of NGO activities might appear small scale at first glance, it is still may be important in the overall picture of things. Over the years, NGO's have played increasing roles in assisting those in need, and I want to play an active role in such activities. |
contact via email writing tips
Thai Sticks